i-throw-pies-at-tall-people: how tall are you
12
officialunitedstates - the FIRST and LAST art blog
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(Source: officialunitedstate)
September 8, 2048
“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Democracy for which it stands, one Nation, one Noble Purpose, with Prosperity and Happiness for all.”
My holomates and I sat back down, my lower nerves happy to be back in my Thermal-Reacting Smart Seat and reattached to the tubes. I liked saying the pledge; it had that kind of authentic air about it that not many other things had. I was proud to be American, (a member of the second best country in the world, as ranked by numerous thinktanks, but most importantly, the Demographics A.I.)
My class had fifteen other students in it. We were arranged in four rows and four columns and I had the privilege of being in the second row, at the very left. It was a good position to be in. My holomates were envious of me, I could tell. Sometimes I would hear snickering or catch a glimpse of some envious eyes behind me in the third or fourth rows. I didn’t let it bother me. I had earned that spot with my good grades and good mind and good intentions and good patriotism scores.
The first lesson was on mathematics, mostly calculus and statistics. We were each told to activate our math implant and then run through the equations on the board to test our Central Coding. My coding was not faulty, it almost never was, so I was able to complete the lesson in about a second and a half. My speed was recorded on the corner of the chalk board where all my holomates could see it. I was ranked number four. Not bad, I thought, not bad at all. Maybe I’d get a new seat tomorrow.
We then ran through a few other dozen lessons, each time activating some section of our Central Coding to complete them. I liked not having to learn. It was so much easier to just Remember. It had not always been this way, I think. I had some vague memories of looking at books or screens and using my mind to learn when I was much younger. But these memories were so flimsy and faded so fast that I thought I may have conjured them up. I hoped my recollection implant was not having any problems. It would be real embarrassing to have to ask the Teacher A.I. for a new one.
Eventually, before I knew it, school time was over. I closed out of the holoface and lumbered out of my Smart Seat, making sure to detach the Medicine tubes from my leg ever so carefully so no Medicine leaked out and was wasted on the floor. Waste not, want not, fear not.
The door to the my living room was heavy. I thought they might have made it that way to develop my arm muscles, but the only thing I ever used them for was lifting that heavy door. Inside lay my dinner and a tablet of Super-Medicine. I ate it all efficiently.
What was on the news, I thought. I turned the news implant on. The news was one of my favorite implants to use because most times there was a nice story about how the pollution cloud was decreasing rapidly or that America was on track to be the best country in the world very soon if my holomates and I kept up our studies. That would be a very nice treat, I thought, as I fired up the sleep and dream implants and let them take over until tomorrow’s lesson.
you: tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke
me: looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you
(via officialunitedstates)
Attention All Writers
There is this great application called Microsoft Office Word which allows you to write things down onto your computer through use of your keyboard. If you have spotify up you can listen to music while you write
The best part about being in law school is knowing all the laws.
I slowly rolled down my window as the cop approached, careful to keep my hands where he could see them on the steering wheel.
“Registration and license,” the officer commanded.
As I made my way to the glove box, all I could think about was how people in arid areas of the United States probably get less utility out of their glove box because they never really need to store gloves in there for colder seasons, unless, of course, their use of gloves doesn’t go hand-in-hand with the climate, but rather for gripping or style reasons.
I handed the documents to him in silence, careful to scowl at the officer just enough for him to notice but not enough for him to get angry enough to scowl back. I had won the scowl-off.
“Do you know how fast you were going?” the policeman asked, leaning down to peer into my mysterious dark green eyes.
I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs to the brim with O2 and car air freshener. This was my moment.
“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. The Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution, passed by Congress on September 25, 1789 A.D.”
He let me off with a speeding ticket.
just got back from my trip to los vegas and las angeles
doing drugs doesn’t make you cool. you know what makes you cool?
having a good attitude, doing your homework on time, being nice to others, being there for your friends when they had a rough day
when I was in third grade I was insanely popular because at the end of second grade I beat up this kid who everyone hated. it was self-defense because he pushed me when I was on the swings. anyway, I was super popular now and my class had like 24 kids in it and 22 liked me. but john and ashley learned to keep their opinion to themselves. the lunch ladies gave me double helpings of stuffing and mac n cheese. I sat at a new lunch table each day and all the cool kids still followed and sat by me. when there were any cool classroom chores like taking notes to the office, I always got to do them. the teacher let me teach the class sometimes for the whole day, sometimes just for half. we started getting double recess, and if I put in a request we got triple. I was always picked first for all the teams, even when I wasn’t playing. sometimes teachers would give me an apple or an orange just as a nice gesture. when I had a cold everyone brought in the best kind of tissues the next day. our class had its own bathroom in the back and everyone else agreed that it could just be for my use. I hated crayons so the school got rid of those. we took a field trip to the movie theater in the middle of the day because I expressed an interest in seeing finding nemo
what kind of school did you go to??
elementary
(via officialunitedstates)